i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
