I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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