Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
