Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
