i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
