he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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