Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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