Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
