I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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