he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
