If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
