I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
now i know why i became what i already was.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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