i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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