Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
