he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
