Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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