I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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