I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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