we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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