I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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