i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We need to rekindle our bromance
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
