I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's never too late to be topless.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
