You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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