I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the liver wants what the liver wants
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
