So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
