Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
