Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
