why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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