I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
