He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize