Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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