PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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