I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
