I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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