first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
