We named our party play list daddy issues
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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