Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
