Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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