you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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