I need to stop coming to work sober
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
