2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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