mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
