I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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