I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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