he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
