ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
