Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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