Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
