Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
