Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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