You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
