im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
