so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
