mondays should just be called national damage control day
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
