if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
