every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
