Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
