found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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