We're facebook friends in real life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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