You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
