Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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