you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
