if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
