I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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