You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
