Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
