It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
