was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
