They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
