what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
