I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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