i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Enjoy the penises
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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