this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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