they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
