she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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