Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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